The cold concrete was replaced by wooden benches and muddy grounds. Everything else felt the same. A buzzing crowd, a lost soul, a shivering winter night.

My tolerance level of this is testing its limits. After going through the processes of recognition and acceptance, I am questioning myself of ‘what next?’ Am I ever going to find a place that will make me feel belong and satisfied?

I twirled my messy hair around my finger as I buried my head down. Some people were calling out my name, I knew. Drunken souls and slurred words came and left as I begged to be left alone. It’s not all about me, I kept reminding myself, although I desperately yearned for a place that was. With tanbark embedded at the bottom of my worn-out flats, I pulled myself up and lost my gaze somewhere amongst the distance lands. I wondered how different my life would be if I was somewhere there. Out there.

Apologies, there’s still so much racing around in my head right now.

I tried to suppress all waves of anger, confusion, desperation and desolation with deep, long sighs. Yet my shoulders felt heavier after every inhale. Oh, that’s right. Wish number two, someone please, lift the weight off my back. Perhaps, substance abuse that allows temporary escape is not enough. Shit, I know. Even that’s not enough, then what is?

Why is it, that we choose these particular paths for our lives; how did we get here? Learning nothing time after time, knowing that everything will catch up when the sun rises at tomorrow’s dawn.