The glass shattered into pieces on the cold concrete floor as if it was speaking for my heart after sitting through another night of rom coms thinking of nothing but you.

These nights, I sit by the window side, wondering things to say the next time we meet. Perhaps I should ask how she is, though my conscious tells me that I would only hurt more knowing. Perhaps I should tell you everything, but I realised I’ve buried my feelings for you too deep over thte years.

Remembering last time at the dinner table where I struggled throughout the night trying to hold back the tears, my whole body shook uncontrollably as if confessing those three little words were an easy task.

When you stand before me, I seem to lose myself. My abilities to function flies out the window as it often becomes impossible to move my lips, let alone logically process my emotions and thoughts. Your smile may be nothing to others, but it sends me into the most helpless hypnotization. I forget my place, my identity, my countless promises to self of ‘never falling for you again’.

I used to think that people lied about ‘increasing heartbeats’ and ‘fluttering butterflies’ but over the years I’ve become frequent acquaintances with them, thanks to you.

The snowflakes are waltzing as chilling winds howl, the new year is creeping up once again. As usual, you will be amonst the list of resolutions. In the past, it’s been filled with naive teenage wishes, yet this time around, i’m jotting down ‘time to let go’.

My conscious tells me it’s the right (and maybe the only) thing to do and my heart is too exhausted to argue. I believe that if something belongs to you, it’ll come back however you let go; but with you, I’m too scared to test that. I’m terrified that even my memories of those days that we spent alone would be taken away, that even my right of crying over you would be taken away. Like that’s something to be afraid of.

Happy holidays, I hope you are well.