I dont know which one’s more difficult, admitting to weakness or overcoming it.

My body knows the drill by now on nights of such, yet my mind enters frenzy no matter how much of a routine it has become. The most daunting loneliness strikes, dissatisfaction engulfs all conscience; momentary relief throws the thoughts into spiralling chaos, as regrets and self accusation follows. Surrender rings as the cold concrete sends chills up the spine, I sometimes wonder how many times it’ll take for me to actually learn the lesson, what it’ll take to toughen my mentality to stay strong on the verges of crumbling. When was it did all evil traits decide to strike as one, to conquer down the beauties of the human race one by one. When did we all become such superficial beings, having to conceal real thoughts and emotions just to “keep up with the game”.

Trust is nonexistent beneath those thousands of layers of lies regardless of the exhausting effort we put in trying to dig up the truth. The good days are the ones we lock ourselves in fantasy world, no encounters with betrayal, secret games. If only a piece of that could be found in reality, where living life is as if fighting a gureilla warfare. There are too many broken hearts, too many vengeful minds, too many careless souls. It is no longer a journey seeking love, but a hunt for revenge to mend for one’s own pain and dissatisfaction.

Baby I’m too tired to play any more games. There will always be a piece of me that will  belong to you, but I’m over asking for more. No matter how much I wish you were mine, it is clear that I am incapable of controlling the way you feel. The constant looks in my direction when we are on two sides of the room, the sometimes things that you do for me going out of your way, your seemingly change in attitude is messing with my head.The worst thing is I cannot pull myself away and not notice your every move. Because when I look into your eyes, my heart melts, my legs tremble, and my thoughts run wild.

I dread how weak, how vulnerably and helplessly out of control I become when you’re around.