I don’t know what I want anymore.

As simple and cliche as that sounds, I have come to an conclusion that this ’unknown’ sensation has lasted too long, hence becoming a serious dilemma. It all started out that afternoon when doctor asked me what would make me happy. My instantaneous reaction thought this to be an easy question. However, I found myself three minutes later, sitting there looking blankly out of the window. A few possibilities crossed my mind, friends, music, food; but were knocked back at the thought of recent quarrels with friends, incapacity to fulfill music achievements expected of me and anorexic celebrities. I really couldn’t hit the nail on what I really wanted, and on a more severe note, what it is that I am waiting for day after day?

Early adolescent years tore apart the ‘romanticist’ inside me. As much as I still think finding true love is a significant part of the distant future, it no longer means the world. I would not drop everything, if there is any left by that time, for a possibly wild, impulsive adventure. I lost that girl who dreamed of getting married underneath the Paris sky, in an extravagant church; I gave that part of my soul away.

Once again, after rejecting another possibility source of my happiness, I reassure myself, perhaps happiness is not meant to be for everyone. Maybe, some people juts don’t deserve it, would I be right?