I tried not letting it get to me this time.

Sober thoughts struggled to keep themselves in, as I bit my tongue hard to prevent another outpour of drunken monologue. It was getting to my head. Yes world, spin, spin, don’t ever stop. At that given moment, I was ready to hand my soul over. I admit to forfeiture, shining weakness in my eyes, hands up in the air.

I tensed all the muscles in my body to check if I was still alive. Sigh.

For you, just for you, your fragile hearts might not be able to stand any more bad news. I am willing to give up everything, to let everything go, but the thought of your tears, your crushing hearts and your risky health states will make sure of my mere wellbeing. I’m uncertain about how much you know, not much I pray. I want to be there to wipe off those tears at the corner of your eye, to say I’m sorry and explain my ways. I know you would understand, I just know it. You know me better than anyone else in the world, undoubtedly. I need you to know that you haven’t wasted ten years of sweat and tears, even though my current circumstances may appear for that to be a fact. Deep within, it is what you raised me up with that keeps the knot on my harness tight. You are the reason why I have not fallen. Your husky voice will always remind me of my childhood days, of how innocent the world used to be. I have lost my ability to trust, do you know how many people I have pushed away? Of course not, you are on the other side of the world.

I rarely say this nowadays but, I love you so much, with all my remains; as every drop of rain these days reminds me of you, of how it used to be.